First Reflection

I've been wanting to do this for a long time, but I've been afraid because I wonder what my children will think one day if they ever read this. I wonder what people who read this might think of me as a father, so should I use my real name? Do I write it in anonymity? Well, I've decided to just write. I don't even know if I'll invite anyone to read along because it could become too personal, and we all know that we often create different personalities depending on the private or public nature of a situation.
Still, I don't think its far-fetched to say that most dads, and probably mos moms, doubt themselves on a regular basis. Men just might not admit it as much to each other and the world. We're guys. We don't like admitting we're wrong. If we go to the doctor, it's because something is wrong. We don't ask directions because then we must be lost. We don't read parenting books because then we admit that we don't know what we're doing. We don't even like to read directions because we have this innate belief that we are just supposed to know how to do things, and it sucks to admit when we just don't know or just don't have the answers.
Well, I barely know a thing about being a good father to my two children, Julian and Maya, but I try. And I'm not so good at being a husband sometimes to my wife, Denise, either. I won't be fooled by those small gestures of, " Oh, you're such a good dad," or "You're such a good husband," fool me. I haven't got a clue what I'm doing most of the time.
I'm sure I will blabber tons of nonsense on this thing, and I'm sure to contradict myself plenty of times as well. Maybe that's the nature of the beast called life. Surely, it's the nature of fatherhood.