Understand

You know, I really want my kids to understand that I wasn't some sort of fucking idiot. I wasn't that selfish. I didn't hate the world. I sure didn't hate them. But I am disturbed at times. I have moments of doubt, pain, shame, and self-doubt. I am human.
Unfortunately, I also have the unreasonable desire to kill myself. I try to put that away in places that cannot surface, but like any snake it surfaces. I also don't want to die. That is quite the dichotomy, isn't it.
I don't know what will be passed along to you, but please know that I love you and your mother very much, and the only reason for my absence is to protect you from myself.